We have a lot of student organizations here at the University of Michigan Law School. But how do the internship experiences differ between them? The student organizations have provided the contact information of the attorneys who were tasked with supervising their members over the summer. We asked each attorney how it went, and these are some of the responses.
EU Law
They appear to be consuming too much Fox News. The whole office is afraid that they’re on the brink of a full-blown right-wing meltdown. We’re just hoping that they’ll be able to hold it together until January.
OPIS
Truly a wonderful intern. Hard working. Believes in the cause. We are looking forward to them returning after graduation. I know what you’re thinking, but they’ve promised to come work for us after a just short/tiny stint at a big law firm. They just need to pay off their student debt! Well, and put enough away for retirement. Oh, they also mentioned needing to have enough in savings to travel every year. I guess there was also that summer home they were looking at… They’re not coming back, are they?
First Generation Law Students
They were definitely pretty nervous at first! It’s always tough to see someone with imposter syndrome just because their parents didn’t go to law school. I would know after all. I’m a first generation myself! I hired them because we need to look out for each other. That and the fact that our parents attended the same medical school, so I knew they came from good stock.
Headnotes
They were great, but they kept pushing for karaoke every happy hour. Every. Single. Happy hour.
NLG
Really meshed well with the office culture. Agrees that the law is systemically broken. Very knowledgeable about philosophy. They tried a lot of unique and creative arguments. Never won a case, of course. But they had heart.
Hockey team
…I watched them tabletop one of the firm partners…
LSJP
Who? Ohhh. Yeah. They are the one that internally circulated an email calling out the CEO. Initially, a couple of the DEI working groups signed onto it. But the working groups quickly pulled their support when they realized that even bare minimum advocacy could have consequences. This all culminated in the intern setting up a tent in the lobby. They refused to leave unless we let them see our books. The whole time they kept yelling nonsense about us being “complicit in genocide.” Anyway, we had to let them go. It was making our clients from Lockheed rather uncomfortable.
JLSA
Great intern. Smart. Hard working. My only complaint is that I don’t agree with their views on [REDACTED]*.
*Email has been edited to preserve the future job prospects of this paper’s employees.
OWLS
Such a great worker. Got all my old references and jokes. There was also that one time. Where they had a good time when… uh…
they were in the uh…
you see…
We finally beat Medicare.
MDefenders
They came in very excited. You couldn’t give them enough work to do. But something must have happened to them in their personal life. After the first month, they seemed sad, like, all the time? I really hope they can turn it around. They have ten hearings to do next week, and these child murderers are not going to defend themselves.
If/When/How
We’re sorry. The nonprofit you are trying to contact was shuttered in 2022. Please be aware that all emails originating from within the jurisdiction of Florida will be automatically forwarded to the relevant authorities.
Federalist Society
No joke: this dude wore a full suit every single day. No matter what temperature it was outside! Casual Friday? Full suit. Happy hour? Full suit. Historical figure themed costume party? Jefferson Davis. We had to have HR speak with him after that one.
And textualism is cool and all until one of them gets their hands on the company policy handbook. You’ve never lived until you have had to explain to an intern that they should be working. And that they definitely shouldn’t be trying to loophole the company’s sexual harassment policies through statutory interpretation canons.
Either way, I’m sure he’s got a bright future ahead of him. He will make a great judge someday.
OUTlaws
Good intern. They were so cool! They kept talking about this new thing, “brat summer?” So, I bought a shirt picturing a hotdog with the caption “I’m having the brat(wurst) summer of my life.” Ahahahahaha! But I haven’t heard them say it since I wore it to the office?? Trends just move on too fast for me, I guess!
Other Students
We also dug up the contact info of the attorneys who spent the summer supervising some of the more notable characters that we call classmates. What do supervisors think of those students who left a lasting impact on our collective psyche last year?
Re: Feedback regarding Gunnar Sitzinthe Frontrow – 1L intern
I think they might have been one of the most productive and successful interns that we’ve ever had. But they are also universally despised by everyone here at the firm. I don’t know how both things can be true. It’s an impressive accomplishment on its own.
Re: Feedback regarding Bibi Loteca Deere – 1L Intern
WHY DID YOU SEND IT HERE??? IT KEEPS BREAKING ALL OUR WINDOWS!!!
I knew that line in the referral letter was strange. What student is known for “spending more time in the law library than any other mammal in history?” And sure, compared to the intern from Harvard, it is more tolerable to spend time with. But it can’t even speak! Let alone explain why Marbury v. Madison is the only case that matters.
OH GOD… I THINK IT’S LOOKING AT ME. SOMEONE PLEASE SEND HPQOSUXGRVTDDDDDDDDDDD
Re: [WTK] Feedback regarding Lao Pen – 1L Intern
Sure, they were controversial at times. But did they really deserve to die?
+1
+1 Rest in peace.
+1
Res Gestae Managing Online Editor Noah Rotroff can be reached at nrotroff@umich.edu.
